The Siblinghood Theory: Understanding Your Relational Blueprint
The Siblinghood Theory, developed by therapist Minaa B., is a relational framework proposing that sibling relationships–whether biological or chosen–serve as our initial experience with peer interactions. These relationships create foundational relational blueprints that unconsciously influence how we navigate all horizontal relationships–friendships, romantic partnerships, workplace dynamics, community, and more–throughout life.
While parent-child relationships focus on love, safety, authority, and caregiving, sibling relationships serve as our first experience with peer interaction. They teach us key skills such as how to compete, cooperate, share resources, negotiate power, and resolve conflicts with equals.
Horizontal vs. Vertical Relationships
Horizontal relationships are connections between equals—peers who hold similar power, status, or position relative to each other. These include friendships, romantic partnerships, colleague relationships, and community bonds. In contrast, vertical relationships involve inherent power differences, such as parent-child, boss-employee, or teacher-student dynamics.
Sibling relationships are our first and most formative horizontal relationships, teaching us the fundamental skills of peer connection: how to share space and resources with equals, negotiate without authority, and maintain bonds despite competition and conflict.
Unresolved sibling dynamics don't remain in childhood; they become unconscious relational templates that replay in friendships, romantic partnerships, workplace dynamics, and community relationships. The sibling who learned to compete for parental attention may become the adult who struggles with professional collaboration. The child who felt invisible next to a "golden child" sibling may become the adult who withdraws in group settings.
Beyond Biology: The Chosen Sibling Experience
The Siblinghood Theory recognizes that relational blueprints are formed not only through biological siblings but also through chosen sibling relationships—close cousins, family friends, childhood companions, or any peer relationships that carried sibling-like emotional weight during formative years.
This inclusive approach is particularly relevant for only children, who often develop these foundational peer dynamics through chosen family, close friendships, or community relationships that function as surrogate sibling experiences. The absence of biological siblings doesn't eliminate sibling dynamics—it simply means these crucial peer-relationship patterns were learned in different contexts.
Why This Matters
The Siblinghood Theory fills the gap between attachment theory (vertical relationships with caregivers) and adult relational patterns by identifying siblings as the architects of our horizontal relational intelligence—our capacity to connect, compete, and belong with peers as equals.
Understanding these sibling-formed blueprints allows us to identify and transform the unconscious patterns that either strengthen or sabotage our adult relationships.
Ready to Explore Your Sibling Blueprint?
Whether you're working through friendship challenges, navigating workplace dynamics, or seeking a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns, The Siblinghood Theory offers a revolutionary framework for healing and growth.
Start with your blueprint:
Take the "What's Your Sibling Blueprint?" quiz to discover your unique horizontal relationship pattern and how your early sibling dynamics show up in your adult connections.
Looking for professional support?
Learn more about my therapy practice and how we can work together to understand and transform your relational blueprints while navigating sibling relationships.
Want to dive deeper?
Subscribe to my newsletter, Mindful With Minaa, where I regularly explore and share insights on siblinghood dynamics and their impact on adult relationships.
A column within the Mindful With Minaa newsletter, THIS IS SIBLINGHOOD, explores the complexities of sibling and family dynamics through the lens of The Siblinghood Theory. Each piece unpacks how our earliest relationships shape who we are and how we build community today.
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What matters more than actual birth order is our perceived role in the family. This is where the idea of psychological birth order comes in. Psychological birth order reflects how you function within your family system, not where you fall chronologically.
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You would think that rivalry and competition are something that siblings outgrow over time. When you’re young and immature, still trying to understand your sense of self as your personality develops, fighting over who got the better birthday party or Christmas gift feels like a rite of passage for siblings.
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Many of us grew up in homes where we were taught that "blood is thicker than water," which meant that family came before everyone else, even if a family member was toxic, harmful, or dysfunctional. What we often don't talk about, however, is when that family member is a sibling and the stress that comes with the expectation that you're supposed to bail them out of every problem they have, or tolerate their abuse and harmful behavior.