Created by therapist and author Minaa B., The Siblinghood Theory is a framework for understanding how sibling and peer relationships shape lifelong patterns of belonging, conflict, and connection.
Unlike traditional therapeutic approaches that focus on parent-child relationships, The Siblinghood Theory examines horizontal relationships—those between equals—as fundamental to how we build and maintain relationships.
Drawing on attachment theory, family systems, and individual psychology, the framework synthesizes decades of research into a practical lens for understanding sibling and peer dynamics across all relational contexts.
Understanding Your Relational Blueprint
The Siblinghood Theory
Horizontal vs. Vertical Relationships
Vertical relationships involve inherent power differences, such as parent-child, boss-employee, and teacher-student. These relationships teach us about authority, safety, and caregiving.
Horizontal relationships, however, are connections between equals: friendships, romantic partnerships, coworker dynamics, and community bonds. These relationships teach us how to navigate connection and belonging without authority.
Traditional psychology focuses on parent-child relationships to understand identity formation. The Siblinghood Theory highlights sibling and peer relationships as central to our emotional and relational development.
Unresolved sibling dynamics don't remain in childhood; they become unconscious relational templates that replay in friendships, romantic partnerships, workplace dynamics, and community relationships. The sibling who learned to compete for parental attention may become the adult who struggles with professional collaboration. The child who felt invisible next to a "golden child" sibling may become the adult who withdraws in group settings.
Beyond Biology: The Chosen Sibling Experience
The Siblinghood Theory recognizes that these formative peer relationships aren't limited to biological siblings. Close cousins, family friends, childhood companions, or any peer relationship that carried emotional weight during your early years shaped your relational patterns just as powerfully.
This is especially true for only children, who learn these dynamics through chosen family, close friendships, or community relationships. The absence of biological siblings doesn't mean you don't have sibling dynamics—it simply means you learned how to belong, compete, and connect with peers in different contexts.
Why This Matters
Most people don't realize their struggles with belonging, workplace conflict, or relationship dynamics have roots in their sibling and peer experiences. The Siblinghood Theory gives you a lens to see what's been unconscious—the patterns you learned about competition, connection, and your place among equals.
Once you understand these patterns, you can identify what's working in your relationships and transform what isn't. This is the foundation of relational wellness: not just understanding yourself through your parents, but understanding how you learned to show up with peers—and using that awareness to build the relationships you actually want.
Ready to Explore Your Sibling Blueprint?
Whether you're working through friendship challenges, navigating workplace dynamics, or seeking a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns, The Siblinghood Theory offers a revolutionary framework for healing and growth.
Start with your blueprint:
Take the "What's Your Sibling Blueprint?" quiz to discover your unique horizontal relationship pattern and how your early sibling dynamics show up in your adult connections.
Looking for professional support?
Learn more about my therapy practice and how we can work together to understand and transform your relational blueprints while navigating sibling relationships.
Want to dive deeper?
Subscribe to my newsletter, Mindful With Minaa, where I regularly explore and share insights on siblinghood dynamics and their impact on adult relationships.
A column within the Mindful With Minaa newsletter, THIS IS SIBLINGHOOD, explores the complexities of sibling and family dynamics through the lens of The Siblinghood Theory. Each piece unpacks how our earliest relationships shape who we are and how we build community today.
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What matters more than actual birth order is our perceived role in the family. This is where the idea of psychological birth order comes in. Psychological birth order reflects how you function within your family system, not where you fall chronologically.
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You would think that rivalry and competition are something that siblings outgrow over time. When you’re young and immature, still trying to understand your sense of self as your personality develops, fighting over who got the better birthday party or Christmas gift feels like a rite of passage for siblings.
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Many of us grew up in homes where we were taught that "blood is thicker than water," which meant that family came before everyone else, even if a family member was toxic, harmful, or dysfunctional. What we often don't talk about, however, is when that family member is a sibling and the stress that comes with the expectation that you're supposed to bail them out of every problem they have, or tolerate their abuse and harmful behavior.