Words Hurt You, Too: How Negative Self-Talk Impacts Your Mental Health

When I practiced treating clients as a therapist, I listened intently to the language my clients used to describe themselves. Whenever I heard them engage in negative self-talk. My go-to in session with clients was: Always choose a different thought when the one you hold about yourself brings you down. We may not realize it now, but negative self-talk is detrimental to our well-being and mental health. If we chronically tear ourselves down, we uphold negative cycles and worsen issues like trauma, depression, anxiety, and more. 

However, negative self-talk is a learned behavior, which means it takes intentionality and practice to break this habit. So let’s unpack what it is and why we do it.

What Is Negative Self-Talk?

Did you know that studies show that 80% of our thoughts are negative? Here’s a more shocking statistic: 95% of our thoughts are on repeat, which means we’re telling ourselves many negative things!

The way we talk to ourselves can be due to our trauma, negative experiences with other people (in relationships, social situations, professional environment, etc.), and our childhood. Words of guilt, blame, hatred, and anger toward ourselves are also part of negative self-talk.

What does your internal dialogue sound like throughout the day? Do you often criticize yourself and weaponize words to punish yourself for a mistake? Do you tend to parrot what others have said about you to yourself?

How Negative Self-Talk Affects Our Mental Health In The Long Run

When most words running through your mind are negative, this can affect your mental and emotional health. 

For example, suppose you have existing mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, or you experience stress and burnout regularly; your negative self-talk can escalate your symptoms and continue to exhaust you in some way. 

Talking down to yourself because you don’t have the energy to do a load of laundry while depressed or taking on more tasks while feeling burnt out will not motivate you to change, nor will it encourage new behavior. Instead, it will only have you wallow in guilt, self-hate, and self-pity.

How to Reframe Our Thinking & Create Positive Scripts That Support Us

Awareness of your harmful self-talk scripts is critical because it can be on autopilot for many of us. I recommend having a journal dedicated to writing down negative comments you tell yourself (out loud or in your mind). Ask yourself, “Is this true?” If you believe the statement is valid, ask yourself, “Can you prove it’s true?” Here’s an example: 

Negative Thought: “I’m not good at anything.”

Challenge the thought: “Is that true?”

Negative Thought: “Yes, I can’t do anything right!”

Challenge: “Can you prove that?” 

Answer: “Well… I’m very good at cooking, though I haven’t done much of that lately. I love what I make, and so do others. Maybe I am good at something after all.”

Use positive affirmations to your advantage. As I mentioned in the beginning, we can think of negative thoughts 80% of the time, which can be repeated throughout the day. But what would happen if we intentionally chose positive thoughts instead and had them on repeat? Write down a few positive affirmations on sticky notes, and place them around your space in random places you often visit (e.g., bathroom, bedroom, office). When you see one, repeat that affirmation to yourself three times. 

You don’t have to be black-and-white with your affirmations, either. Instead, do gentle ones you believe you can step into, such as: 

• “I allow myself to feel good about myself at this moment.”

• “I am willing to commit to better self-talk.” 

• “I am open to seeing myself in a more positive light.” 

What does your negative self-talk sound like? What tip would you use from the newsletter to reduce the negative comments you make to yourself? Let me know in the comments!