Showing Up And Saying Yes
As far as my mind can stretch itself, I always remember being a yes girl. It was in my sweet nature to please people. I was a compassion giver. Love giver. Money giver. Advice giver. Backbone giver. I spent days upon days giving and giving until I sucked this heart of mine dry. I grew up around folks who always preached the message of, loving on thy neighbor, and the importance of being kind and gracious to others. As I sit here writing this and my mind swirls with memories, I muster up the courage to ask myself, but what about me?
I have no problem with giving. If it weren't for the blessings of others, I wouldn't have some of what I have today. Knowledge, wisdom, and even my sanity has come from people taking the time to pour into my life. There are days though, where I spend time pondering on what have I done for me lately? I used to have this expectation that others will supply me with the tools that I needed to navigate the wonders of my heart. I got so lost in giving to others, I forgot what it felt like to give to myself.
People are human. And that means that people will fail you. I learned that the hard way when I allowed myself to get tangled up in the notion that in order to move, I needed someone to hold my hand through the process. I had said yes to people, but there were folks who were actually bold enough to say no to me. It was in those lessons, that I began to understand the power of standing tall in who I am and why it is such an important necessity. Some people will not show up for you the way you show up for them. Period.
It's my job and my responsibility to show up for myself. It's okay to say yes, but I also needed to learn how to say no. I needed to learn that it was not okay to bend over backwards and use myself as a bridge for people who wouldn't even bend to touch their toes for me. I allowed myself to become a brothel, I was a dwelling place for folks who needed satisfaction within their respite and I was left dry to the bone with no one to nourish me back to life. I was so accustomed to saying yes I was becoming a robot. I moved to the beat of everybody else's rhythm just so that they could be happy, meanwhile I was the one stepping on my own toes and flowing awkwardly against the music.
I want you to know that it took me many years to remove the layers of my people pleasing diagnosis. I wish it could've been an overnight success, but let's be real, what happens that quickly in life? It took being emotionally drained, stressed, and overwhelmed for me to realize that I had been carrying too much. That I had been saying yes, even when my heart knew the answer was no, and I ignored my mental wellbeing to uplift someone else's.
We have to stop putting ourselves last. It's okay for you to show up for people, but the question is, are you showing up for yourself? How can you serve others when you are not serving yourself? How can you love others when you are not loving yourself? How can you support others on their journey if you are neglecting your own? These are real deal questions that deserve answers.
Know that when you show up for yourself and stand tall, rooted in your worth, there are going to be times when you are going to have to say no and understand that it does not need to be explained. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to put yourself first. You need compassion. You need love. You need respect. And you do not have to go outside of yourself to look for it. Now is the season to stop stretching yourself thin because you feel obligated to do things that is making your heart tired. This is the season to recognize that your mental wellness is depending on you to make the right choices for yourself.
So show up. Stand tall. Give to yourself. Love on yourself. Root for yourself. Know that your self-care is your responsibility. If you don't know how to support you, no one else will either.
So are you ready to take the next step and start this process? Let's work together! Learn more about my work here. And if you're ready to set up your first appointment, all I need is 15 minutes of your time. Book a consultation below or call me at 929-236-9957.